I just celebrated another birthday on December 1st, my 70th…a big one. But there was something missing. A phone call from my brother Dick. Ever since I went away to college, he has called me on my birthday, until his death in 2000, just 21 days after my birthday…the last time he called me. My daughter had a brand new baby, her first, and Dick talked with her first, then talked with me. That was the last time I heard his voice.
The story goes that when I was born on December 1st, 1944, my brother was ‘over the moon’ with excitement. He had been patiently waiting for his baby brother or sister to be born, anxious to find out which. And he became my protector from the moment he saw me about 10 days later. My mother had to have some surgery immediately after my birth, and so he was at a relative’s until she brought me home.
As you can see from these pictures, he was always watching over me. Growing up, he was always there, whether it was protecting me in the school yard, or giving me advice about my marriages later in life. He was just as much a close friend as he was a brother. And, of course, as most younger siblings do, I placed him up on a very high pedestal.
When my mother and I became close in those last years of her life, we talked about my brother and his role in my life and how she was so happy that he was there for me when she couldn’t be. Little did we know then, but Dick would only be with us for 2 more years after she passed away.
When we talked about him, I could see the deep love she still held for him, and could completely understand it. He was a warm, loving, caring, sensitive human being, who also happened to be really smart. Mom said how she feared that she had made him a “momma’s boy” because they were so close, but you know what? That is OK. He wouldn’t have been the person he was if that hadn’t been the case. And I completely understood how she would love her son, her firstborn, so much. Everyone loved him. He was fun (he could mimic Jerry Lewis perfectly), being more than just a bit nutty sometimes, and could talk your ear off. He told me once, “I am just a big ‘bull-shitter’, which is why I am so good at my job.”
I think I could even see why some of our family was a bit disappointed in me, because I was so quiet and introspective, almost the complete opposite of Dick. When your own mother has trouble relating to you, that tells you something. But, while that used to bother me before, it doesn’t now. Because, after we talked about it, I finally understood. She could relate so well to many of my cousins, seemed so patient and supportive of them, that even today, they don’t either understand or believe it when I tell them that Mom and I didn’t “get along very well”.
I guess sometimes you don’t see what goes on in families “behind closed doors”. Which is why it can be so therapeutic when the truth finally comes out. Of course, my early family did surround me with love and support, so I am so much luckier than many. And for a daughter and mother to have issues, that is more normal than you realize.
Because of my experience with an extremely abusive husband (that story comes out later in my blog), I volunteer at a local agency that helps abusive victims. You have to have lived it to understand it. My brother would be proud of that. Actually, I know he would be proud of everything I do.
I had no idea that while I held him up on a pedestal most of his life, he did the same with me. When Mom died, he came to help me take care of her estate, and we spent almost two weeks together, day and night. We spend all of that time talking. Turns out he had me up on a pedestal too. “You were always so good out there in the business world…I figured you’d be our first woman President.” Now, that’s a huge pedestal!
I shared with him some of the talks that Mom and I had that broke down all our emotional walls, and he opened up with me about some of his walls. I had no idea…I thought I knew him well. What I didn’t know about were the dark times for him, the challenges that he needed help with to overcome.
Those two weeks were wonderful. We shared so much, actually getting to know one another as adults, because when you grow up together and then go in separate directions after high school, you really need to spend that type of time together to ‘get to know one another again.’
Getting to know my brother as an adult brought him back to Earth, down off that pedestal, but still someone I adored and admired. He was still warm, loving, supportive and sensitive, but he was also someone who had gone through a lot as he grew up. As had I. We were two different people as adults than we were as youngsters.
Now, I saw him as a husband who needed the balancing of the woman he had married who helped him “become a better person than he would have been.” (his words) This was a woman that our own mother never seemed to approve of…perhaps no one would have fit the ideal wife to her son? But I now knew that his wife, Alice, had been the perfect wife for him. And I saw him as a father of 4 who loved each of his children completely, who worried about them, supported them as individuals, and was so proud of each of them.
And so, at the end of those two weeks, we were still friends, just on a different level than when we were growing up. But he was still my brother that I loved so much. And he was my friend, now closer than ever. And I miss him today just as much as I did the day he died, 14 years ago.
Thank you for reading another true story from my life. For more information on me, see my About Me Page.
If you are going for best contents like me, only visit this site everyday since it gives feature contents, thanks|
I think you have really done a good job and taken the time to
research this andd I appreciate it.
Hi there, You have done an excellent job. I’ll certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I am confident they’ll be benefited from this web site.|
Wk0X8u Very nice post and right to the point. I don at know if this is really the best place to ask but do you people have any thoughts on where to employ some professional writers? Thank you
XoLLUv This particular blog is obviously awesome and factual. I have picked up a lot of useful advices out of this source. I ad love to visit it over and over again. Thanks a lot!
tyqrst Muchos Gracias for your article.Thanks Again. Much obliged.
iNEJLS You made some really good points there. I checked on the web to learn more about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.
5HLiHb There is certainly a great deal to know about this subject. I love all of the points you have made.
HIqlqB more enjoyable for me to come here and visit more often.
hkCsIs Its hard to find good help I am forever proclaiming that its hard to find quality help, but here is
Nv61wh I truly appreciate this article post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.
T7io2A Well I definitely liked reading it. This tip procured by you is very effective for accurate planning.
lZTfHq You can certainly see your enthusiasm within the work you write. The sector hopes for more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. All the time follow your heart.
Im obliged for the post.Really looking forward to read more. Want more.
Im grateful for the article.Thanks Again. Keep writing.
Good write-up, I am normal visitor of one¡¦s blog, maintain up the excellent operate, and It’s going to be a regular visitor for a lengthy time.
Looking forward to reading more. Great blog. Want more.
I have been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this web site. Thank you, I will try and check back more often. How frequently you update your site?
Generally I don’t learn article on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do it! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thank you, very nice article.
Looking forward to reading more. Great blog article. Want more.
Great article.Much thanks again. Keep writing.
Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to death at work so I decided to browse your site on my iphone during lunch break. I enjoy the knowledge you present here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m shocked at how quick your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, very good site!
I truly appreciate this blog post.Much thanks again. Will read on…
Keep on working, great job!|
Good day! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a marvellous job!|
First of all I would like to say excellent blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your head prior to writing. I have had a difficult time clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out. I do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints? Kudos!|
Thank you for the comment. Clearing your head before writing can be a real challenge. I can’t create until I am ‘in the mood’. Getting there is where people use different methods. I meditate to both clear my mind and relax me. Then the ideas and words just come to me. I generally write once, then review it the next day (giving me 24 hours to forget and then review with ‘new’ eyes), and publish. I very rarely change anything. That is why the clear head/mind is so important. Good luck to you. Do try meditating, perhaps it could help you. Otherwise, perhaps take a nice long walk, enjoy nature. Sometimes I need to do that.
Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with some pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is great blog. A fantastic read. I’ll definitely be back.|
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this article plus the rest of the website is also really good.|
fantastic publish, very informative. I’m wondering why the other specialists of this sector don’t realize this. You must continue your writing. I’m sure, you have a great readers’ base already!|
Wow, marvelous blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is wonderful, let alone the content!|
Fantastic blog post.Much thanks again. Cool.
Major thanks for the article.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.
Very informative article.Thanks Again. Awesome.
DU8sVv Say, you got a nice blog article.Thanks Again. Great.
h9xMlF Thanks again for the blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Want more.
mpYvX1 start to end. Feel free to surf to my website Criminal Case Cheats
GWdept Im thankful for the article.Thanks Again. Much obliged.